


i am i am i am

by weatherzane



Series: galaxy [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-22
Updated: 2015-08-22
Packaged: 2018-04-16 13:27:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4626954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weatherzane/pseuds/weatherzane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A quasar, a red dwarf star, a super-Earth, a nebula, and an open cluster of stars walk into a bar…</p><p>…and are reincarnated into five band members, who sometimes get glimpses into their past lives.</p><p>- * - * - * - * -</p><p>“I took a deep breath and listened to the old brag of my heart. I am, I am, I am.” —Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar</p>
            </blockquote>





	i am i am i am

It’s hard for Louis to focus. He’s known this for a long time. He was taken to the doctor as a child, to check if he might have ADHD. Turns out he didn’t, but he did have a short attention span, and needed to constantly move from one thing to another.

On the playground, Louis dashed from the slide, going down and secretly climbing back up when he knew the teachers weren’t watching; to the monkey bars, gripping each new loop with a determined air, impressing all his friends; to the swings, giving sharp, powerful kicks, shoving himself forward and whipping himself back, breakneck speed that made him close his eyes. By the time the bell rang to come back inside, Louis’ little heart was racing as if he’d run a marathon. He kept clicking his pen, loud and obnoxious, at his desk until his breathing slowed back down.

At X Factor, he was probably the most insufferable person in the waiting room. He’d jog his leg violently, updownupdownupdownupdown. The person next to him moved her whole body so it was pointed away from him, disdain creasing the foundation around her nose. Louis fiddled with his hair, his rings, his clothes. His mum eventually covered his hands with her own. “Love,” she said quietly, “you need to settle. Take some deep breaths. You’ve got maybe ten minutes to get yourself together before they call you, okay?” Louis nodded, eyes wide. He let himself relax into his chair a little, slide back so he was sitting all the way in it, and took some long breaths. He counted in his head, _One, two, three, four… out, two, three, four… in, two, three, four… out, two, three, four._ It calmed him down a lot, and he reached over to give his mum’s hand a little squeeze. She squeezed back, privately supportive. He was called onto the stage then, and adrenaline took over everything—all he actually remembers are the bright lights and the hard thumping of his heart in his chest.

Louis knew he was aggravating sometimes. He couldn’t always help it; he needed to get his energy out _somehow_ , and it might as well be on his best mates, yeah? So he went around some days, jumped onto another boy’s bunk and poked their leg until they kick him off; or he’d ask a bunch of questions right in a row about the show they were watching on Netflix, so they would have to keep pausing to explain. The only one who didn’t really seem to mind is Liam—well, that’s sort of a lie, Zayn wouldn’t do much of anything in rebuttal, but Liam seemed to actively _welcome_ Louis’ pestering. Liam just wriggled a little to adjust for Louis’ barreling into his side, rummaged around to drop another blanket in Louis’ lap. Liam actually seemed to sap his frantic energy, absorb it, so Louis could actually breathe for a while. He could feel the solid _thump-thump-thump_ of Liam’s heart, they were that close. And Louis’ heartbeat slowly started to match it, to calm down and really relax. He started taking notice of how rough the blanket was, but how warm it made him, how close he and Liam were, thighs gently pressing into one another. Louis never really took solid notice of things, he rushed through to finish whatever he was doing to get to the next thing on the list. This felt nice, making note of how everything felt, how _he_ felt. He tilted his head so it rested in the crook of Liam’s neck—no, he _wasn’t_ cuddling—and just breathed. Slow and deep and satisfying. As the sun set outside the tour bus window.

**Author's Note:**

> This time, it's a little snippet about Louis! Since he was a red dwarf, which gives out bursts of energy, and he is kind of like this in real life, I figured I'd make a little series-of-flashback things showing his restlessness.
> 
> (Cheat sheet: Zayn was a quasar, Louis was a red dwarf, Liam was a super-Earth, Harry was a nebula, and Niall was an open cluster of stars.)


End file.
